My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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