you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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