and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
