Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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