Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize