Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
