My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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