You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
