I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
