The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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