remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Green mimosas i think yes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
