i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
