So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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