I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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