you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
