Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
