i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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