I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
