jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
