its not stalking. its research.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please don't give away my fajitas
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
