im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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