are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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