No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
