Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
