You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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