I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
