Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
