why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
