So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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