apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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