he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
