there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
