honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
