you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
