nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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