these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
