dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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