I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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