the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize