So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
