i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
