Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
