He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
