we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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