hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
