his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
