Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
