i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i think my cat just said my name.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
