I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
