they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize