How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
