I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We got so high we made milksteak
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
