Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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