last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You are the jesus of drinking
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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