dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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