I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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