But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
