id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
