your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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