What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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