yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize