Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
