the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
