After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
