so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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