dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
