There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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