umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
