I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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