If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
