I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
