i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
