you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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