omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
