its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
