I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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