he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
