Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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