Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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