porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
