I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
