I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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