I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
