just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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