Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
This toilet bowl is my home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
