What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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