The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
