This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
