How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
