I'm jealous of your bromance
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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