Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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