Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well you can't waste a boner
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
