Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
