DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
