im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize