So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
