Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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