I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Randomize
