Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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