Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
